I’m Surviving, Thanks For Asking!
I was told recently that because I'm young, "I have the whole world at my feet."
The comment came from someone in their forties. With a hint of reminiscence in his voice, I appreciated the nod to my youth. That I have time to start over, fail, change my mind, have fun and try again. But it also felt slightly overwhelming.
The whole world at MY feet.
The whole world at my feet!
Which snowballed into…
I should book a holiday right now.
No, I need to stay and focus on job applications.
I should go out every chance I get with my friends.
No, I need to stay home and save money this week.
You get the picture. The twenties are daunting because of these conflicting ideals.
In light of this, I’ve seen a lot of trends regarding the notion of ‘surviving your twenties’, which comes with a plethora of contradictory advice and opinions about how we should be living during this decade.
The jarring undercurrents of expectation and adventure are probably what leave those of us in our twenties overanalysing our next steps whilst simultaneously trying to be present.
With all of this being said, I did start to wonder what has actually helped me survive the first few years of my twenties. For me, it has definitely been my friendships.
Female friendships are notoriously difficult, especially growing up. Like many of us, I had my fair share of tricky relationships with friends. Naturally, there was gossip, bitchiness and arguments. However, it’s become increasingly apparent just how much my friendships have not only grown and solidified in my twenties, but also become such a key component of my overall happiness.
Regardless of how long we’ve known each other or where we met, my friendships have become a sort of safety bubble for me, one that allows me to recharge, feel seen, capable and supported.
So, If you’re reading this… Maybe surviving your twenties has less to do with having everything figured out and more to do with having people to figure it out with.
It’s a common cliché that you discover your true friends when you go through hard times. Whilst there is most definitely truth in this, it never took particularly difficult times for me to realise and appreciate my friends. The reason those friendships are able to carry us through hard moments is because of everything that came before them — the more regular moments. The nights out, morning debriefs, inside jokes, shared secrets and endless conversations. All of these everyday experiences create the foundation of friendships, allowing us to rely on each other when things get difficult.
I remember this most clearly when I was going through a breakup at university.
Afterwards, I was curled up dramatically on my bed, crying. I stayed there for a couple of minutes before realising I didn’t actually have to be alone. I walked downstairs into our living room and there they all were. The door had been shut to give me privacy, but they were waiting up for me all the same. I collapsed onto the sofa, still crying, except this time I was squeezed between my best friends. Somehow, sitting there beside them, it was easier to breathe.
This is what friendship does at its best. It doesn’t always take the pain away, but it reminds you that you don’t have to carry it on your own.
When I look back at moments like this, it becomes clear why I find the intense focus on careers and milestones in your twenties so boring. Rarely do we talk about the relationships that hold us together whilst we're pursuing them. Of course, success comes from hard work, ambition and drive, but I also think it stems from happiness. When you're content in life, it becomes much easier to focus on your goals.
For me, a huge part of that happiness comes from the people around me. My friendships are what help me through most things in life, which is why I think relationships deserve far more praise than they often receive
All my friends and I are on different pages now as we approach our mid-twenties. Our weeks are filled with different priorities, responsibilities and conflicting schedules, which was, of course, a struggle to adapt to at first. When you live together at university, spend every day together at school and have completely free weekends, friendship often feels effortless. It's easier to spend time together, but in the same breath, easier to take those friendships for granted.
As adulthood settles in, quality time with friends becomes far less frequent and far more intentional. Suddenly, seeing your friends isn’t something that just happens; it’s something you have to actively make happen. Fighting in the group chat to find a date that works for everyone weeks in advance feels even more rewarding when it succeeds. You begin to crave quality time with your friends, which is perhaps why I appreciate my friendships now more than ever..
Similarly, your twenties make room for your circle to become smaller but stronger. It becomes much easier to prioritise the people you want in your life and those who prioritise you in return. Life gets busier, more intense and overall harder in adulthood, so naturally you gravitate towards the people who lift you up and make time to hear you out. Rather than viewing this shift as something sad, I’ve come to see it as a natural part of both friendship and growing up.
I think it all comes down to effort: sending the text first, organising the plans weeks in advance, remembering to check in after a stressful week, or celebrating the small wins. These things may seem insignificant, but they are what keep friendships alive. Because ultimately, what is life without connection? We need our friends to separate life from work, to provide support, laughter, perspective and a reminder that there is more to life than our responsibilities.
Yet, it’s not just about maintaining friendships in your twenties. It’s also about making new ones. One of the most exciting parts of ‘having the world at your feet’ at this age is the people you meet along the way. The hospitality job I got to keep me afloat after uni, despite being exhausting, allowed me to make friends that I can’t believe I’ve only known for a year. A hugely overlooked joy of your twenties is that while some friendships deepen and others drift, there is still so much room for new connections. Every job, city, hobby or random night out has the potential to introduce you to people who may shape your life in ways you never expected.
So, whilst the years of having the “world at your feet” can feel overwhelming and conflicting, they don’t have to be lonely. The twenties can be painfully performative. Everyone seems to be chasing success, ticking off milestones and proving that they’re exactly where they’re supposed to be. And although ambition is important, you can’t forget to live whilst you’re busy surviving.
When you have a circle of friends that truly fulfils you, life becomes so much easier to bear. The setbacks feel less devastating, the uncertainty feels less intimidating, and the good moments become even sweeter when they’re shared.
This is why friendship is such a unique form of love, because no one is obliged to stay, yet the right people continue to choose each other again and again. So, in a decade so often defined by uncertainty and change, my friendships have become my greatest comfort. And if the world really is at my feet, I’m glad I don’t have to navigate it alone.