Why Everyone Will Make it (Except me)
Imposter syndrome has haunted me for as long as I can remember. And it took me a good few years to distinguish between intrusive thoughts and imposter syndrome. For example, when I was a kid I used to lie in bed listening to the rain pelting down on my bedroom roof and not feel comforted like most, but instead, fearing that the house will flood or the wind would blow a tree down onto the roof. This is clearly a mix of anxiety and intrusive thoughts, which I now know, as imposter syndrome feels more as though you are a fraud. For me, it’s been the persistent feeling of: ‘I can’t do this,’ ‘I don’t know how to do this,’ or ‘How did I even get here?’ Which reached its peak in my later years, especially at university.
University was the best three years of my life and the best decision I believe I will ever make. I made friends and memories for life and the whole experience had such a positive impact on my mental growth. However, it was also at university where I realised just how paralysing imposter syndrome could be. Every assigned essay left me feeling stagnant, unsure of where to begin or what to write, which often led me to put it off altogether as it became too overwhelming. Honestly, I couldn’t make sense of how I had even been accepted into a Russell Group university, let alone how I was going to complete first-class essays. I constantly had these feelings that university was going to expose me for being less intelligent than everyone despite doing well in previous essays AND getting into uni in the first place!
As a graduate, only now can I recognise that self-doubt, lack of confidence, and severe overthinking debilitated both my determination and drive. The most frustrating part being that, despite making it all the way to graduation, I still had to had to face this paralysing mindset, that became a ritual, before making any progress to get there!
So, if you’re reading this… Why do we do it to ourselves?
It is estimated that 70-80% of people face imposter syndrome at some point in their lives, reflecting just how common it is. Lots of definitions of imposter syndrome link it to ‘suffering from feelings of intellectual and/or professional fraudulence’ however, I believe it can be felt outside professions and academics too. A definition that feels to encapsulate it best is, ‘the subjective experience of perceived self-doubt in one’s abilities or accomplishments compared with others, despite evidence to suggest the contrary.’
Feelings of imposter syndrome can also be felt in your relationships. The inner monologue of ‘why does he like me?’, ‘he could have anyone else’, ‘he’s way out of your league’ also reflects the same self-doubt and criticism as the imposter syndrome I’ve experienced academically. And whilst this is a less common way of imposter syndrome manifesting itself, it is very real - most strikingly shown with the parallels between fear of failure and fear of rejection. It seems obvious that regardless of the situation, we crave to feel worthy, successful and validated. In my opinion there’s nothing wrong with this; it’s just about mastering a balance so ambition doesn’t end up consuming you.
Self-doubt (in any of its forms) is something we cannot completely eliminate. Being sceptical of our decisions and evaluating the likelihood of failure is there to protect us, not to debilitate! Often we spend so much time worrying about failure or things that haven’t even happened, when it may never! And putting things simply like this makes it easier to see what a waste of time and energy feeling doubtful about your abilities really is. Yet I’m painfully aware of how much easier that is said than done. (Sorry x)
How I know this, is despite a lot of growth in my confidence and self-awareness, my imposter syndrome has reared its ugly head recently in a different format: my struggle to find a job. And if I’m being totally honest, this has made me feel like every imposing thought I had during university had some truth behind it.
I watched a YouTube video the other day titled, ‘Why Gen Z is facing a job market apocalypse’ which sums up the bleakness of my job search better than I ever could. The video underlined the contradiction in how over 35% of entry-level jobs now require 1-3 years of experience, which I find is always stated in the small print. This video also educated me on the high cost of training new employees, pinpointing yet another reason for the national reluctance to hire graduates. But despite this struggle being widely felt and recognised, it still comes down to something being uniquely wrong with me, and only ME. I have many friends facing the same difficulties who I believe are talented, capable, qualified and extremely intelligent and therefore, bound to succeed. I can actually close my eyes and picture it for them but when it comes to myself, the picture is…
Black.
Fuzzy.
Non-existent.
With my past experiences at uni and the growth I’ve had since, it’s easier to distinguish that it’s just imposter syndrome convincing me of a jobless future. However it doesn’t stop the frustration that comes alongside it. Remaining positive and resilient amongst the endless rejection emails is difficult but I’ve learnt ways to cope with the intrusive thoughts of ending up in hospitality forever (truly my biggest fear.) This blog being one of them! An attempt to show off my skills instead of feeling like I’m blindly listing things I can do on my CV in the hope that someone, one day, believes me.
Sitting with the intricacies of imposter syndrome has made it alarmingly clear how negative thoughts can consume us far more easily than positive ones. The fear of failure and self-critiquing has become so frequent that we rarely give ourselves the same praise and encouragement we so effortlessly give to others. A small silver lining being that this proves how common imposter syndrome is, therefore making it not about your abilities but about natural fears. Part of the issue too is simply getting caught up in what we aren’t doing or what we should be doing that we forget to praise ourselves for how far we’ve come. And all of this has got me thinking that maybe if we stop being so hard on ourselves, our imposter syndrome would have nothing to feed off of.
If you’re reading this…for advice, then here are some of my tips:
Setting out a small starting point. Find something you can do that won’t overwhelm you straight away. If it’s an essay, mind map some possible ideas of direction or find some sources. If it’s a job interview, start simple with research about the company. This way you are actively rejecting the thoughts of ‘I can’t do this’ by proving that you can and already have. Small wins!
Comparison is the thief of joy. Social media has made other people’s successes too accessible and their lows non-existent, often leaving us comparing ourselves to what we see online. Just because someone has landed their dream job doesn’t mean they haven’t faced the struggles you currently are, and certainly does not mean that they are worthier than you. There is no set timeline or path for whatever you decide, take risks and have faith it will work out.
Fake it til you make it! Although it sounds ironic when you may already be feeling a bit like a fraud, faking it til you make it can trick the brain into behaving in a way that might not feel natural at first. Convincing yourself that you can do it or that you are fit for the role will force you into action and potentially one day have you wholeheartedly believing it all. Believing is seeing!
And if you don’t need advice, i’ll leave you more simply with:
if you’re reading this…What if you can do it? And even better yet, what if you succeed?