“She found herself in Bali, she told me that once.”

One of my best mates is currently backpacking around South America and after catching up about her first few weeks there, it hit me that exactly a year ago, that was me. 

This time last year, I was off to South East Asia and my mindset was: Go travelling, blow off some steam, see the world, and then come home and settle into a corporate job in London. But the reality? I’ve been job hunting for the best part of eight months, working in hospitality and still living at home. And between the rejections and a job that seems to be draining all the positivity and spirit I once had, it’s been hard not to think if I didn’t go travelling, would I be better off now? 

If I’d applied for grad schemes, would I be living in London? Earning more? Not feel as far behind as I do right now? 

But the truth is, though these questions are natural, they’re futile. There is no way of knowing if any of this would have become a reality for me. Not only because I may have never found the job or opportunity I expected, but also because the chances are, I’d be in that life wondering what it would have been like to go travelling instead. Feeling far behind because I’m ‘stuck’ in a corporate job not able to take 3 months off to see the world. And with hindsight, I can see now that perhaps there is no right order to life after university. 

I was reminded of this recently while reading The Romantic by William Boyd, a book recommended to me by my dad. And in particular, this passage stood out:

“No one can tell you what the future will bring…It’s just life, you know…There could have been a thousand different outcomes.” and “Here we are…two old people with our happy memories. That’s not given to everyone.” 

Here, it occurred to me how pointless worrying about the present within the frame of a past decision is. The main thing that will stand out when I'm old is the memories and the experiences that shaped me. It’s a reminder that the future and whatever it holds cannot be seen before it takes place, so being present in the way I was when I was travelling is something I need to hold onto now more than ever. 

So, if you’re reading this… no, I don’t regret travelling around South East Asia with my childhood best friend! It was the most surreal and unforgettable 3 months of my life. We have stories, pictures and anecdotes to treasure forever, and even share with our kids one day - to prove that we were in fact cool (and gorgeous) in our twenties. 

The classic joke “she found herself in Bali” played on my mind during the lead up to my travels. I was genuinely curious to see if I’d undergo a huge change in character or mindset out there. And although more subtle than the spiritual or complete change people often expect, it felt like I did change. And I think recently, during this sluggish period of life, I’ve seemed to lose sight of the parts of myself I did find in Asia. 

Travelling taught me so much more than I anticipated. Of course there was the independence, learning how to fend for yourself and communicate with locals, but more than anything, it revealed the beauty in simplicity. The freedom and gratitude that came with a slower pace of life was genuinely refreshing. Everything was stripped back to the basics; what to eat, what to see, and where to go next. Waking up with little to no plan gave us the freedom to say yes to anything and to simply exist in the moment. With no pressure on having a routine, strict schedule, or rigid plan to follow - it was just us, our backpacks, and a rough idea of what was next. 

This level of simplicity made it far easier to be present and often left us feeling overwhelmingly grateful and incredibly lucky. That mindset of saying yes to everything meant we embraced every opportunity that came our way. We faced fears, (my friend more than me, especially when she went paramotoring through the air while I watched safely from the hostel) and through this, we grew more confident and more present. Spending three months constantly outside your comfort zone, doing things and seeing places you never would at home, instils a strange but powerful sense of invincibility. And where I’ve been desperately craving change recently, I'm excited to feel this sense of confidence and power again.

One of the most unexpected parts of travelling was how much space it gave for reflection. It can be intense constantly meeting new people and spending your days exploring, but there’s also nothing quite like a 10 hour sleeper bus through Vietnam to make you think about everything you’ve ever experienced. In those quieter moments, I found myself reflecting on how far I’ve come as a person, all the things I’ve been through, and even how much our friendship had grown. We kept catching ourselves saying, “How did we even get here?” partly in disbelief that we’d made it all the way to Asia, but also as a quiet acknowledgement of everything we’d been through together to get there and a testament to our friendship. 

The things that felt all-consuming to us at the time, breakups, loss, drama - somehow shrink when you’re in the middle of a tiny village in Laos or sleeping in a roofless floating bungalow in Thailand. You really have no other option than to sit with your thoughts and process everything properly and it was comforting knowing that I was in the perfect place to leave behind the negativity of those experiences. By the time I was sitting on that flight home, I realised I’d worked through and healed from things I hadn’t even been fully aware were still weighing on me and better yet, equipped with a healthier mindset to do so in the future. Even a year later, I still feel the benefit of this.

Ultimately, I think it all comes down to perspective. Even on the not so perfect days, when we were homesick, exhausted, or unwell, we became more aware of all the luxuries we had back home and at the same time, more appreciative of still being out there experiencing it all. During the Ha Giang Loop in northern Vietnam, we learnt how our easy riders had moved there to earn money to send back to their families, often making less than £6 a day and returning home maybe once a year. Yet they were some of the kindest, happiest, and most generous people we met. Encounters like that have a way of reshaping your mindset, reminding us how lucky we are and how small our problems can be. The happiness that radiated off so many of the Asian locals was truly infectious, especially as it often wasn’t governed by wealth - they were rich in life, emphasising how the giving and the doing are just as important.

And the lessons from the people we met along the way are something that I hate to admit I've lost sight of. We spoke to people from all over the world, of all ages and every single one of them was on a different path. There were 30 year olds who had no interest in climbing the corporate ladder and had been travelling for years, people who had quit their jobs for something different and people who went travelling and simply never came home. And none of these people were strange to us - no one’s choice seemed wrong or ‘behind’, so I wonder why my decision has sometimes felt this way to me now? 

At that time, we assumed we’d be coming home to step straight into corporate life, but now with neither of us being there yet and being hard on ourselves because of it, I've realised how much I’ve let this perspective slip away. Most importantly, travelling exposed that there isn’t one definition or timeline to success. Seeing how differently people live their lives was a reminder to take the pressure off - because in reality, there is no rush and no right path.

Additionally, without knowing it at the time, we left a mark on people we met travelling too. We received a message at the end of last year from a girl we met in Vietnam saying that the advice we gave her was part of the reason she had the courage to leave a toxic relationship. So, despite all the parts I’ve managed to get so caught up in wanting to improve, it’s nice to know that there are also parts that have always been good enough.

What I’m realising now is that it was never about choosing between travelling and building a career because these two can and will coexist with each other. I’ll carry what I learned into whatever comes next and I’m glad I have the version of myself that experienced and valued the freedom and perspective that came with travelling. So, whilst I don't have it all figured out right now, I have the confidence from seeing the world to know there is more than one way of getting it ‘right’. 

So, If you’re reading this… there is no single route through life, just like there isn’t when you travel. None of them mean you’re doing it wrong and none of them mean you’re behind.